So, last week, Marky Mark booked for me to go away on a spa weekend with my girl-friends, Leila, Laura and Gina.
I thought it was weird that he was letting me out of his sight on the weekend, especially since his job at the chemical employment factory has started eating up his evenings, but he was insistent that I should go, and he’d take care of the kids and the doggerino while I was away having my back rubbed and spending time in the sauna.
“You deserve it,” he said, heavy bags under his eyes, looking super trim from all the weight he’s been losing lately at the Chemical Factory, “you’ve earned a rest.”
Well, who am I to argue with that? Maybe I have earned a rest.
So, Friday evening, I packed up my bags and headed out to meet the girlies at the station, and away we went!
Three days and three nights we were there, and while the girls were pretty tame with what they were after (massage, swimming, aromatherapy) I was ready to take this place for all they’d got, so I got stuck in!
On the first day, I made sure to have the handsome Turkish boy give me the full Turkish treatment, and had to really yell to make him go hard enough during my beating with palm leaves. Then, since I was all exfoliated, I booked another session with him so he could oil me.
I’m telling you – my skin felt fantastic. The redness only lasted for a few days, and after that, everyone was raving about how great I looked. In fairness though, that’s not all Mr. Palm-Slapper’s doing – I did spend almost 9 hours in the sauna the next day! Lucky I didn’t cook!
Then on day three, I made sure to get a traditional mud bath, get scraped all over, got all the mud out and went for a swim, before going for a final cling-film-constriction therapy and some light acupuncture. Then, feeling fabulous, I packed up and went home.
Little did I know that I’d been sent away as a distraction! My crafty hubbalubbadubdub had engineered the break with the girlies so he could sneakily carry out a home transformation like on “Home Transformations” on Channel 4 – that’s right, while I was away, he – get this – installed deck lighting!
Also, a deck.
The deck lights are LEDs, he said, and he got them since he knows how much I love LED lighting. They’re environmentally friendly, since they don’t waste much energy as heat, and as a result, they use way less power overall! It won’t spike our power bill to leave them on all the time, like I do when I’m trapping moths of a summer evening, or having friends around for a lovely late-night tipple and a giggle.
Since they put out less heat, they also won’t warp the wood of the deck, and they’re waterproof and as tough as all hell – no need to worry about these puppies breaking when a dog’s paw or the small stone-age-style axe of an inquisitive toddler hits them!
Honestly, I’m in love. Apparently, they last almost 40 TIMES as long as “normal” bulbs do, which for me, makes them more like SUPER bulbs! No more regular old fluorescents for this lady – no sirree – it’s all LED, all the time now. With this surprise, and all the back-up text Marky Mark prepared to bring me round to the idea, I’m finally sold – I’m doing what I should have done years ago – I’m going to let Mark replace every single bulb in this house with an LED.
And to think, the only thing he had to do to win me over was build an entire deck while I was away at an all expenses paid spa weekend!